First of all, Speardane, you were not sabotaged. Chad was. Secondly, if you would smell your shots before you took them, you would have know. But maybe you guys don't need that. Maybe your friends haven't ingrained that into you because they don't buy you shots like Prarie Fires, Sweaty Mexicans, and Buffalo Sweat. My experience has taught me that a shot in front of me must pass the sniff test. Clearly, a single sniff would have confirmed that the shot in front of you was not a frou frou Vanilla Ice, but a devasting Iowan Everclear. P.S. You were bent over my sink?! How did I miss that?! And be glad I did because I would have killed you if I found chunks of chicken and creamy rice in my sink. That's no dirty frat house you were at. I live in a subdivision!! People don't vomit in the sinks here. They wave at you when you go get the mail. They borrow an egg and return the favor with some brownies. The houses are a plethora of beige and taupe and tan. Ach. Who am I kidding? I would have deserved a clogged sink. But may I add for the last time, I deserved Chad blowing chunks into my sink. I did nothing to you, Matt.

Xtina--I thought you were going to call me when you got home. Bitch. Also, why go to the mall this weekend when we could go any day next week. Ahh...break. Also, I don't drive the truck in the cities. Say what you want about me, but I've had bad experiences with large vehicles I don't often drive in the cities. I mean, I can zip through the worst traffic in a car I know, but an unfamiliar vehicle doesn't work. Yes, keep laughing. But know that I did live in the cities (right off what is arguable the worst/busiest road up there) and I managed just fine. I wandered over to restaurants with foreign foods and I shopped at Byerly's (ok, I did that once accidentally before realizing how crazy their prices are. I quickly returned to Cub). Where was I going with this? Ahh yes, the boy's friend is borrowing the truck to dump what used to be the walls of his house. He left it muddy, gross, and without gas in it last time. I expect no less this time. Anyway, the truck's getting used.

Smith--thanks for the ego boosting declaration on Chadley's web site. But I still declare my gut looks disturbingly large in the second picture. I much prefer the first one that is mostly hair and boobs. When are you coming back? I'm lonely. And the Dodge doesn't answer her phone. Or return her messages. I'm starting to think it's me.