The Thing About Best Friends
I've been having this thing with best friends lately. Seeing all these people go home to, ultimately, see those "best friends" they've had since childhood. Jess has her Amy (and the other Torpedos), Xtina has her Angry Vegan, even the boy has the three guys from Iowa. People who know everything about you--the time you peed your pants in first grade, the exact date of the first time you kissed a boy, everything.
Right after the whole bachelorette party meltdown with my best friend, I saw Wedding Crashers. Even after their big fight, the best man refused to miss his pal's wedding. That's loyalty I think only boys can have. I wish for the lack of pettiness and grudges that boys seem to possess. They forgive and truly forget. They don't let one night of drunken misfortune spoil the years and years of good times together.
And this movie was only the first of so many "best friendisms" I've noticed lately. Now, the people that seem to know me best are the people I've only known for 2 1/2 years. Somehow this doesn't seem right. We can't sit in a room and recall what went on at my 10th birthday party. Or gossip about who got fat and who might be pregnant.
I stopped myself from driving by her house over Christmas. As much as I hurt, all it takes is a reread of one email to know I'm not ready to forgive her anymore than she's ready to forgive me. We're both stubborn like that. I read even older emails: "Sorry I haven't had the time to write back. I realized it's been weeks, but I've been so busy." And yet somehow I'm the one who was selfish, who didn't come to see her enough or something like that. I called and emailed and wrote. She didn't have money for a phone card, access to internet, time to write.
My mom doesn't talk to anyone she went to high school with (or middle school, elementary, etc). Neither does my dad. Yet both have found a tremendously tight group of friends to keep in touch with--college friends. Friends who shared their love of music. Friends who have become more than family to me, who raised me during summers at lakeside cabins. Maybe I don't need childhood best friends.
Dodge: Who needs a "Best" best friend when you have a whole group of people who love you?
Right after the whole bachelorette party meltdown with my best friend, I saw Wedding Crashers. Even after their big fight, the best man refused to miss his pal's wedding. That's loyalty I think only boys can have. I wish for the lack of pettiness and grudges that boys seem to possess. They forgive and truly forget. They don't let one night of drunken misfortune spoil the years and years of good times together.
And this movie was only the first of so many "best friendisms" I've noticed lately. Now, the people that seem to know me best are the people I've only known for 2 1/2 years. Somehow this doesn't seem right. We can't sit in a room and recall what went on at my 10th birthday party. Or gossip about who got fat and who might be pregnant.
I stopped myself from driving by her house over Christmas. As much as I hurt, all it takes is a reread of one email to know I'm not ready to forgive her anymore than she's ready to forgive me. We're both stubborn like that. I read even older emails: "Sorry I haven't had the time to write back. I realized it's been weeks, but I've been so busy." And yet somehow I'm the one who was selfish, who didn't come to see her enough or something like that. I called and emailed and wrote. She didn't have money for a phone card, access to internet, time to write.
My mom doesn't talk to anyone she went to high school with (or middle school, elementary, etc). Neither does my dad. Yet both have found a tremendously tight group of friends to keep in touch with--college friends. Friends who shared their love of music. Friends who have become more than family to me, who raised me during summers at lakeside cabins. Maybe I don't need childhood best friends.
Dodge: Who needs a "Best" best friend when you have a whole group of people who love you?
posted by KC in Katoland at 11:03 AM
3 Comments:
Just to let you know, I'm going through the same thing right now.
I just lost a best friendship of 8 years. It's hard. But the groups of people, people who make an effort to care about you is what's good right now.
Stuff - uh, shit - happens between friends, too. The AV and I met and hated, hated, hated each other. I spent a fair amount of eighth grade tormenting the AV. Then we clicked and were inseperable during ninth, tenth, eleventh grade. Then we began to choke on our together-ness - come on, people just referred to us as "Bevinstina" - and we totally divorced. AV dove into the hardcore scene and wanted to move out to California; I dove into experimenting with drinking and drugs. We graduated sort of not really speaking to each other and didn't talk all thoroughout my first semester away at school. Then the shit cleared and we picked up again.
This is to say, then, that there is always the possibility that BFFs go off, do things seperately, hurt each other, and regroup. It takes time and sometimes it doesn't happen. The groups are always good. It doesn't have to be about just one person. Give yourself and her some time; you never know what may come to be. Or, you know, fuck her. Dodge is the rikki master; she can tell you the future for sure. I just guess.
Merry New Year!
Kool-aid? Mmmmmm.
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