On Why I Can't Spend Another Summer Like Last Summer:

While last summer was great and all, months passing with me somehow unaware, I can't deal with another summer like that. Really. I need a job. I can't pretend that I spent all day looking for a job, working on my thesis and planning a wedding. I did that for maybe all of five hours last summer.

So I'm wondering where all the other time went last summer. I'm afraid of how last week passed as fast as weeks passed last summer. (yeah, say that three times.) Of course, I let myself have last week. I spent a month and a half in a windowless basement staring at a twenty year old computer screen typing graduation announcements. I deserved that week to recover.

But that week is over now. So I try to convince myself I will spend days searching for real, full-time jobs. I wake up with a reckless ambition. I say "I will write" as if that will spark some kind of creative genius I've been lacking. As if I will really be able to sit long enough to produce something worth reading. I say "I will go running or take the dogs for a walk." I say "I will apply for eight jobs today." Really, I page through Ebay postings for things I can't afford because I don't have a job. I clean things like the junk drawer and my underwear drawer and the filing cabinets.

Dear God I need a job.