Update from Orlando
The boy has left for his programming class and I am left to spend 8 hours by myself in Orlando. And not so much in Orlando, but a fifty dollar cab ride north of Orlando. And I'm using a computer thinner than Lindsay Lohan which is making this whole thing difficult to type. But for you, I will press on even though the space bar is about an inch big and I keep managing to hit the M key instead.MM
The flight down was ok. Sitting at the airport I realized the abundance of children preparing to board and I feared the worst. But for the most part they were quiet up until the last twenty minutes or so. This is not their fault. We sat on the runway waiting to take off for nearly an hour. It was midnight before we got into Orlando, nearly one before we got to our scary, scary hotel (more later) and almost two before the guy behind the desk decided to stop talking to us and hand us keys.
The hotel? I found it on the internet. It was under $40 a night and offered a "continental breakfast" and free shuttle to Disney. The continental breakfast? Warm orange juice, awful coffee, and some sort of pastry with frosting and raisins. The man behind the desk had promised us mini croissants in his 20 minute description of the place. MINI CROISSANTS! They were nowhere to be found.
We got on the shuttle for Disneyworld--Magic Kingdom. We were there as the doors opened and crowds rushed in. The boy refused to let me stop for the restroom I so urgently needed. "We have to hurry so we can get on Space Mountain before there are long lines." Unfortunately my map reading skills steered us not to Space Mountain, but to Adventureland. We settled for a ride on the "Pirates of the Carribean." I was displeased to see neither a Johnny nor an Orlando (though I was IN Orlando...). Plus the only thing scary was the scene with a pirate "pushing" a woman into a hole-type thing which clearing resembled a doggy-style kind of scene. Scenes like this appeared throughout the day. "It's a Small WOrld After All" ride? Filthy. "Snow White's Scary Ride"? Filthy.
The boy wouldn't let me go on the Dumbo ride. Or, rather, he said he'd wait for me to go on it alone. He also denied the Pooh ride. But it was his choice to sit through mechanical birds singing old Gloria Estevan songs. But I got him back when I declared it was imperative that I see the "Carousel of Progress." This was one of those times when they should really have a sign in front of the attraction to explain just how long the ride will be. This was Walt Disney's own invention--something he presented at the 1960 something world's fair. Right there was a red flag, but we still went in. From there we got a twenty mintue lecture on how far we've come since the invention of the record player. The boy fell asleep. I wished I had a penis so I could punch myself in it for having suggested this ride. All in all we've decided Disneyworld is a place for children and people with children. And maybe old people. Being that the boy and I fit into none of those categories, it was most definitely not for us. Oh, and the food is awful.
Oh yeah, and on the shuttle back to the hotel, we apparently missed when the bus driver asked if anyone needed to be dropped off at the Travelodge. We realized this when he was about a half mile past our hotel. He proceeded to yell at us because we were going to make him late. He could not turn around. We had to get off and walk. The Asian girls who we also knew were from our hotels apparently didn't hear him as well. Nor did they understand what was happening. We told them they better get off with us. We then walked our half mile through what is likely the ghetto of Kissimmee. Run down McDonalds to our right. Cheap, you-know-there's-semen-in-the-sheets motels to our left. Oh, but that's not the best story about that bus driver.
So that was the first day of our trip. Stay tuned for: Reflections From a Day and Sea World featuring: "The Clydesdale looks really 'happy'"
"Why all themeparks should be sponsored by beer companies"
"The bus ride from hell" aka "I wish he had just kicked us off like last night"
The flight down was ok. Sitting at the airport I realized the abundance of children preparing to board and I feared the worst. But for the most part they were quiet up until the last twenty minutes or so. This is not their fault. We sat on the runway waiting to take off for nearly an hour. It was midnight before we got into Orlando, nearly one before we got to our scary, scary hotel (more later) and almost two before the guy behind the desk decided to stop talking to us and hand us keys.
The hotel? I found it on the internet. It was under $40 a night and offered a "continental breakfast" and free shuttle to Disney. The continental breakfast? Warm orange juice, awful coffee, and some sort of pastry with frosting and raisins. The man behind the desk had promised us mini croissants in his 20 minute description of the place. MINI CROISSANTS! They were nowhere to be found.
We got on the shuttle for Disneyworld--Magic Kingdom. We were there as the doors opened and crowds rushed in. The boy refused to let me stop for the restroom I so urgently needed. "We have to hurry so we can get on Space Mountain before there are long lines." Unfortunately my map reading skills steered us not to Space Mountain, but to Adventureland. We settled for a ride on the "Pirates of the Carribean." I was displeased to see neither a Johnny nor an Orlando (though I was IN Orlando...). Plus the only thing scary was the scene with a pirate "pushing" a woman into a hole-type thing which clearing resembled a doggy-style kind of scene. Scenes like this appeared throughout the day. "It's a Small WOrld After All" ride? Filthy. "Snow White's Scary Ride"? Filthy.
The boy wouldn't let me go on the Dumbo ride. Or, rather, he said he'd wait for me to go on it alone. He also denied the Pooh ride. But it was his choice to sit through mechanical birds singing old Gloria Estevan songs. But I got him back when I declared it was imperative that I see the "Carousel of Progress." This was one of those times when they should really have a sign in front of the attraction to explain just how long the ride will be. This was Walt Disney's own invention--something he presented at the 1960 something world's fair. Right there was a red flag, but we still went in. From there we got a twenty mintue lecture on how far we've come since the invention of the record player. The boy fell asleep. I wished I had a penis so I could punch myself in it for having suggested this ride. All in all we've decided Disneyworld is a place for children and people with children. And maybe old people. Being that the boy and I fit into none of those categories, it was most definitely not for us. Oh, and the food is awful.
Oh yeah, and on the shuttle back to the hotel, we apparently missed when the bus driver asked if anyone needed to be dropped off at the Travelodge. We realized this when he was about a half mile past our hotel. He proceeded to yell at us because we were going to make him late. He could not turn around. We had to get off and walk. The Asian girls who we also knew were from our hotels apparently didn't hear him as well. Nor did they understand what was happening. We told them they better get off with us. We then walked our half mile through what is likely the ghetto of Kissimmee. Run down McDonalds to our right. Cheap, you-know-there's-semen-in-the-sheets motels to our left. Oh, but that's not the best story about that bus driver.
So that was the first day of our trip. Stay tuned for: Reflections From a Day and Sea World featuring: "The Clydesdale looks really 'happy'"
"Why all themeparks should be sponsored by beer companies"
"The bus ride from hell" aka "I wish he had just kicked us off like last night"
posted by KC in Katoland at 8:07 AM
2 Comments:
Oh Katy. I know how horrible it can be. My sisters, mom, and I went last summer. It didn't take long for the Magical Kingdom to be the Suck Ass Kingdom. I'm sorry it was so rotten. Did you try Universal Studios?
By the way. I know of the freaky bird songs place. We went there too - some kind of tiki lounge. CREEPY!
I hope the rest doesn't suck!
Yes, I wish I had gone to Epcot so I could have been the one to die on the Mars ride. I've been there. I remember canals and my oldest brother buying French candies.
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