Email to the Sexsmith (and the rest of the world)
Smithy--
I had orginally started this as an email to you, but then I realized I had to share it with the world: I just thought I'd let you know that I got up early this morning to go to the library and finish up my paper. I figured, who is in the library at 8 in the morning except the particularly studious. It will be quiet, and I will get lots and lots of work done. There will be no stupid people who feel the need to chat, talk about how wasted they got, or let their cell phone ring 80 times so they can listen to the whole clangy, ring tone of "PIMP." But who should walk in shortly after me with a female classmate and sit about 7 feet from me--you guessed it, the Wily Republican. And yes, we exchanged cordial hellos. I did not threaten him or crack any frat boy jokes (although, as he was walking in he was saying something about being stereotyped. I think he has issues and maybe he just shouldn't be in the frat. It's like me joining PETA and then getting angry that everyone thinks I'm an animal lovin' freak. Umm...deal with it). And I've digressed. I can't help myself.
Anyway, so for a while they're doing some actual studying. I am not impressed with the way he translates Spanish law enforcement terms for his giggly partner who, by the way, needs to touch up her dye job. Was that mean? I swear, I have blogger ADD--must focus. So, they put in a good, eh, 10 minutes of studying. Then they proceed with the coffee shop talk for 40 minutes (they're still at it--it could be hours) except that they're not in a coffee shop--they're in the FREAKIN' LIBRARY!! Why can't people respect the sanctity of the library? It is supposed to be a haven for the geek, the studious, the grad student who left her paper till the day before it's due. ACH. Shut up!!
They were just talking about strippers. She relates a lovely story about a friend of hers who is a stripper. He asks if said friend performs "happy endings." And then he laughs. Arg, I know you like him Smith, and I am accepting that people like strange things (sex with goats, ABBA, Saved by the Bell, etc) but do you really find that laugh charming in any way? Now he's on the phone as his study partner looks annoyed. Her chatty time is over. Hmm...the person he is speaking to is sleeping. Could it be you? I will assume yes. He is telling you just how much he got done this morning. This shows one flawed character trait--he is a liar. I am proof. There has been little studying here. Oh, he sounds impressed. I hear a "wow." I imagine you said something witty and oh-so-Smithlike. Oh, study partner is putting her coat on. Are they leaving? yay. See how distracting they are. I shouldn't be blogging. I should be finishing my paper. Oh, study partner said something about sex with yourself (in response to something Wily says on the phone). Now I am convinced it is you. Ha.
I had orginally started this as an email to you, but then I realized I had to share it with the world: I just thought I'd let you know that I got up early this morning to go to the library and finish up my paper. I figured, who is in the library at 8 in the morning except the particularly studious. It will be quiet, and I will get lots and lots of work done. There will be no stupid people who feel the need to chat, talk about how wasted they got, or let their cell phone ring 80 times so they can listen to the whole clangy, ring tone of "PIMP." But who should walk in shortly after me with a female classmate and sit about 7 feet from me--you guessed it, the Wily Republican. And yes, we exchanged cordial hellos. I did not threaten him or crack any frat boy jokes (although, as he was walking in he was saying something about being stereotyped. I think he has issues and maybe he just shouldn't be in the frat. It's like me joining PETA and then getting angry that everyone thinks I'm an animal lovin' freak. Umm...deal with it). And I've digressed. I can't help myself.
Anyway, so for a while they're doing some actual studying. I am not impressed with the way he translates Spanish law enforcement terms for his giggly partner who, by the way, needs to touch up her dye job. Was that mean? I swear, I have blogger ADD--must focus. So, they put in a good, eh, 10 minutes of studying. Then they proceed with the coffee shop talk for 40 minutes (they're still at it--it could be hours) except that they're not in a coffee shop--they're in the FREAKIN' LIBRARY!! Why can't people respect the sanctity of the library? It is supposed to be a haven for the geek, the studious, the grad student who left her paper till the day before it's due. ACH. Shut up!!
They were just talking about strippers. She relates a lovely story about a friend of hers who is a stripper. He asks if said friend performs "happy endings." And then he laughs. Arg, I know you like him Smith, and I am accepting that people like strange things (sex with goats, ABBA, Saved by the Bell, etc) but do you really find that laugh charming in any way? Now he's on the phone as his study partner looks annoyed. Her chatty time is over. Hmm...the person he is speaking to is sleeping. Could it be you? I will assume yes. He is telling you just how much he got done this morning. This shows one flawed character trait--he is a liar. I am proof. There has been little studying here. Oh, he sounds impressed. I hear a "wow." I imagine you said something witty and oh-so-Smithlike. Oh, study partner is putting her coat on. Are they leaving? yay. See how distracting they are. I shouldn't be blogging. I should be finishing my paper. Oh, study partner said something about sex with yourself (in response to something Wily says on the phone). Now I am convinced it is you. Ha.
posted by KC in Katoland at 9:15 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home