As soon as I heard that he wanted a key to "your" office (at this point I wasn't completely sure it was you, Smith), I knew it was you. Wasn't it wonderful how I grabbed his phone, made some unintelligible remark and you said "Sween?" with much confusion. I said no, and when you asked who it was, I replied "[Wily Republican]'s lover." Then you asked what I was doing. I said "loving him" so slyly. Then I found it important to tell you that he had a banana, though by this point I could barely get the words out.

He called me crazy. Yes, yes I am. But now they are gone and I can return to my work in silence. And I'd like to point out that he didn't say goodbye to me. Jerk. (But he does have a nice smile, Smith.)